-
Recently Written
- My PT Cruiser Can Do 0-60. Period.
- Here’s to the weirdos, in general
- Where emails go to die
- Supersize me
- Does anyone seriously need that much wintery chill?
- Its rediculous when you’re spelling get’s in the way
- Have you ever been stall-ked?
- How a clarinet can destroy a life
- I’m sure your zero friends are impressed by your income
- Great email signatures
-
Highest Rated
- Metaphors are better than butterflies on a pickup truck full of beets
(5.00 out of 5) - Rain melts brains (5.00 out of 5)
- People Who Drive In The Left Lane (5.00 out of 5)
- My PT Cruiser Can Do 0-60. Period. (5.00 out of 5)
- Here’s to the weirdos, in general
(4.92 out of 5) - The airport bathroom is not a good place for speakerphone (4.89 out of 5)
- Why is mommy dressed like your secret friend, daddy? (4.86 out of 5)
- Must. Fight. Plaque. (4.75 out of 5)
- “2″ is code for “make everyone hate me” (4.71 out of 5)
- Its rediculous when you’re spelling get’s in the way (4.70 out of 5)
- Metaphors are better than butterflies on a pickup truck full of beets
-
Categories
- at work (17)
- food and eating (16)
- health (5)
- in cars (10)
- in general (31)
- my life (9)
- politics (1)
- sports (3)
- technology (3)
- travel (7)
- Uncategorized (2)
-
Archives
- May 2010 (1)
- August 2009 (3)
- July 2009 (12)
- April 2009 (2)
- March 2009 (4)
- February 2009 (2)
- January 2009 (7)
- December 2008 (7)
- November 2008 (12)
- October 2008 (21)
- September 2008 (17)
On applause
(3 votes, average: 4.33 out of 5)
Loading ...People who are “safe” clappers
People who are bold clappers
I just got out of a conference today that was about as fun as when the school bully would stab your soccer ball. The conference was held at the Georgia Aquarium, so here you are thinking you’re going to be able to watch whales swim around while you eat free food and learn about something new, when you walk in the room and see the truth of the situation. By, “at the aquarium,” they meant, “in a conference room in the parking garage of the aquarium.” Soccer ball stabbed.
So, here we are in a typical meeting room with those vinyl chairs that make you sound like you’re farting every time you move, no whales, no fish, nothing. Fortunately, the topic was somewhat interesting, but the speaker went on talking past that point where it doesn’t matter how interesting things are, you have no attention left to give. If a neon orange monkey flew in the room and killed the lecturer, I literally might not have noticed.
Finally, the speaker wraps things up and then comes that magical moment when people ask themselves, “Was that good enough to clap for? I’ll wait and see what everyone else does.” Then, the pioneer (bold) clapper, whoever they are, gets the round of applause going. The middle (safe) clappers join in, sensing the time where the clap is running out of gas, and then quit. Then, the wrap-up (bold) clappers finish it off like those last few kernels of popcorn in the microwave.
I bet the girl in red is a first-clapper. Most people hate first-clappers.
Now, that’s a standard case, and more or less the way it went today. But my favorites are when the bold clappers get slapped down. You know, those times when one person gives about 2 and a half claps and then realizes they are alone. That’s priceless, as it’s humiliating for both the clapper and the speaker. Sadly, that did not happen today.
Bold clappers come in a critical third variety (beyond beginning clappers and popcorn clappers): the loud/distinct clapper. These are the people who cup their hands like they’re trying to crush an ostrich egg or the ones who are capable of making small nuclear explosions in their palms. The loud clap is not a talent, it is just an ability encoded in the DNA of assholes. I petition you now: please stop clapping like an idiot. The beginning/ending clappers have their place in this world: they fill a necessary role. You bring nothing to the table, just like your father told you when you were 7.
comments
5 Responses to “On applause”
Leave a Reply
-
subscribe to this blog
Subscribe to RSS
why you are here...
You are here because you are awesome and you celebrate awesomeness.
You are here to read a new post every weekday.
You are here because there are two types of people in the world: people who are here, and people who suck.
“These are the people who cup their hands like they’re trying to crush an ostrich egg or the ones who are capable of making small nuclear explosions in their palms. The loud clap is not a talent, it is just an ability encoded in the DNA of assholes.”
Brilliant.
Even a broken watch is right twice a day.
“Two hands clap and there is a sound; what is the sound of one hand?”
- Hakuin Ekaku, 1686-1769
“These are the people who cup their hands like they’re trying to crush an ostrich egg or the ones who are capable of making small nuclear explosions in their palms. The loud clap is not a talent, it is just an ability encoded in the DNA of assholes.”
Hahaha….this is a perfect description of my lovely wife. She has this weird ability to clap so loud that it sounds like WW3 has broken out when she applauds!! Now I’m not saying she is an asshole and I would take great umbridge with anyone who does, but it IS very annoying, and she gets many an angry look from people near her. I’ve become immune to it…….I am slightly deaf in one ear (now I wonder why lol!)
Haha, I’m not a bold clapper but I fit into the infamous loud/unique clappers. I won’t begin the applause, but I sure as hell will make it loud once it’s started.