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Have you ever been stall-ked?

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People who go back to their desks when the bathroom stalls are all taken

People who hang out in the bathroom – “stall-kers”

There are few places in the world that are less comfortable for all involved than the bathroom.  I can’t speak for the women’s room, where it seems a live taping of Oprah is always taking place, but in the men’s room, protocol is to avoid talking, eye contact, friendliness, etc.  Of course, there is always that one guy who talks from inside the stall, but he’s an outlier.

Given this general level of discomfort in the men’s room, I’m always a little unnerved to see someone waiting in the bathroom when all of the stalls are taken.  Most people choose to turn back around and come back later, or even try another floor of the office building, but the few who stallk are definitely a different breed.  They’re either having a minor emergency, or they’re just strangely okay with hanging out in the bathroom and facing the inevitable event of walking right into the fresh aftermath of someone’s dietary mistakes.

The worst thing is when you’re the one being stallked.  That’s pretty embarrassing and I used to just say, “excuse me,” or something to that effect when passing the stallker, but I’ve figured lately that if these people are that awkward, I might as well keep it that way and say something to make them uncomfortable.  Lately, I’ve been testing the reactions to the following rendezvous statements:

  • “Enjoy…”
  • “You might want to give it a second.”
  • I might make gagging sounds or a few coughs on the way out.
  • “Beat that.”

Try one of these out this week and tell me what happened.

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July 22, 2009 | Filed Under at work 

comments

3 Responses to “Have you ever been stall-ked?”

  1. Garrett on July 22nd, 2009

    There’s a different breed, mostly old senile men, that go to town whilst leaving the stall door open. No joke. Seen it several times. It’s criminal.

  2. Liz on July 24th, 2009

    A huge peeve of mine in the workplace is when people clip their nails at their desks. I’d love for you to write a post about the people who do that and then the people who know better. (Unless of course you’re one of those nail-clipping-at-work fools, in which case I might have to stop reading your blog!)

    Your posts continue to crack me up!

  3. Evan on July 24th, 2009

    That is one of the grossest things I’ve ever heard of someone doing at work. Hopefully it’s just fingers.

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