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Need directions?

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People with a good sense of direction

People who couldn’t find their way down a hill if they were strapped to a skateboard

Do you know anyone with a terrible sense of direction?  I live with one. My wife, who I love dearly, could take a wrong turn on a chairlift.  I bought her a talking GPS for her car, and I often imagine it saying, “Shit, woman.  Where the hell are you going now?”

hiking

Come on, everyone!  This way to the bottom!

I was born, as you might expect, with an excellent sense of direction (as I was born with many gifts, you see).  Now before you go into this nonsense about how all men think they have a good sense of direction, let me stop you.  It’s true.  Your jealousy will get you nowhere.

I’ve put together the following 3-question test to help you determine if you are a good or bad navigator:

  1. Do you get off the elevator and turn the wrong direction to go to a place you’ve been before?  Score 3 points if there are elevators on both sides of the hallway.  Score 1,000 points if the elevators only let out on one side.
  2. Can you point to your mailbox from any room inside your home?  Yes?  Go check if you’re right.  No? Score 5 points.  Point in a direction more than 90-degrees off? Score 1,000 points.
  3. Have you ever actually driven or walked in a complete circle, recognizing a landmark you saw earlier?  Score 1,000,000 points.

How did you do?

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February 17, 2009 | Filed Under travel 

comments

2 Responses to “Need directions?”

  1. Nic Chimenti on February 17th, 2009

    I scored zero. I’m good with directions. But I’m in Austin, TX, right now. And I swear I get lost every time I drive here. And I know where I am, and where I’m going. I just can’t get there!! This place makes me feel like your quiz is inadequate. I could give you directions for cities in 30 states, but I can barely find the driver’s seat when my hand is on the wheel when I’m here.

    Add a question 4:

    4. When going north on I-35 in Austin, TX, can you successfully get to the intersection of 183 and I-35 and still successfully avoid getting on 183? If you miss 183, can you get back going South on I-35 to get going east under 183? If you get on 183 going north, can you figure out how to do the two u-turns to get back to going north from the South so you can get back to your hotel in under half an hour? If you’re still alive, give yourself zero points.

  2. Garrett F on February 17th, 2009

    I think you get a 500,000 point allowance/handicap if you live in the wonderful city of Atlanta.

    Welcome back to the living, TATTOPITW.

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