TATTOPITW
there are two types of people in the world – sometimes updated weekdaily

• Home
• about the author
• have an idea?
• RSS

Established 1776

With your help, we can raise $1,000,000 of awareness.

• Recently Written

  • My PT Cruiser Can Do 0-60. Period.
  • Here’s to the weirdos, in general
  • Where emails go to die
  • Supersize me
  • Does anyone seriously need that much wintery chill?
  • Its rediculous when you’re spelling get’s in the way
  • Have you ever been stall-ked?
  • How a clarinet can destroy a life
  • I’m sure your zero friends are impressed by your income
  • Great email signatures

• Highest Rated

  • Metaphors are better than butterflies on a pickup truck full of beets (5.00 out of 5)
  • Rain melts brains (5.00 out of 5)
  • People Who Drive In The Left Lane (5.00 out of 5)
  • My PT Cruiser Can Do 0-60. Period. (5.00 out of 5)
  • Here’s to the weirdos, in general (4.92 out of 5)
  • The airport bathroom is not a good place for speakerphone (4.89 out of 5)
  • Why is mommy dressed like your secret friend, daddy? (4.86 out of 5)
  • Must. Fight. Plaque. (4.75 out of 5)
  • “2″ is code for “make everyone hate me” (4.71 out of 5)
  • Its rediculous when you’re spelling get’s in the way (4.70 out of 5)

• Categories

  • at work (17)
  • food and eating (16)
  • health (5)
  • in cars (10)
  • in general (31)
  • my life (9)
  • politics (1)
  • sports (3)
  • technology (3)
  • travel (7)
  • Uncategorized (2)

• Archives

  • May 2010 (1)
  • August 2009 (3)
  • July 2009 (12)
  • April 2009 (2)
  • March 2009 (4)
  • February 2009 (2)
  • January 2009 (7)
  • December 2008 (7)
  • November 2008 (12)
  • October 2008 (21)
  • September 2008 (17)

Your Second Life might be working, but your first is a failure

People who are slick and suave in real life situations

People who are slick and suave in online situations (See: Dateline NBC)

One thing that all of this tweeting and facebook-ing and IM-ing and chatting and other ing’s has taught me is that people who are huge, huge, indescribably huge tools in real life are often total surfer motorcycle bar-fight ninja astronaut BADASSES online.

I used to work with a guy who was like this.  In real life, he looks like he’s only minutes away from saying, “Well, it’s been nice working with you, but I have to return to the Shire next month,” but online, he is one of the coolest people you’ve ever talked to.  I came to discover this because he added me to IM the day he started, and was chatting with me for a while before I met him.  When I met him, I had no clue who he was and literally didn’t make the connection between this person and the person I talked to on IM for a few weeks.  Sad, but true.  But if you think about it, do big tools talk about the same topics in their super badass second identities?  I figured not, which made me feel better because I really was sort of talking to two people.  They just happened to inhabit the same extremely strange body.

I got married young, so I never experienced online dating, but I’ve heard that this phenomenon is very typical in around match.com and the like.  Girl posts profile.  Girl meets boy.  Boy seems pretty cool.  Girl goes on a date with boy.  Boy is a complete freak.

I think this happens because in real life, you can’t copy and paste your verbal communication from a Men’s Health article written by the girl next door.  In the middle of your dinner, you can’t Google, “something funny to say after a girl compliments your glasses,” and then come back to the conversation 3 minutes later saying, “Sorry, the phone rang and I had to take it.  Damn guys at the Pentagon won’t leave me alone ever since I stole that fighter jet after performing open heart surgery on myself and Condoleezza Rice at the same time.”  These are, however, tools at your disposal when you’re chatting up some 7th grader online and earning your spot on Dateline NBC.

I don’t know if I really have any advice on this one other than to shave that 2″ long stray hair growing out of your left check and start talking to more people in real life.  Potentially seeing a mental health therapist if you’re one of those people who plays online games where people love “the real you” (who, is probably a person with a fox head, DD breasts, a lizard tail, and some sort of a weapon I’ve never heard of) isn’t a bad idea, either.

comments

• subscribe to this blog

  
  
   Subscribe to RSS
  
  
  
  
  
  

  why you are here...

  You are here because you are awesome and you celebrate awesomeness.
  
  You are here to read a new post every weekday.
  
  You are here because there are two types of people in the world: people who are here, and people who suck.