Sep
30
Tiger [in the] Woods
Filed Under sports
People who are good at golf
People who say “GIT IN THE HOLE!” at a golf tournament, especially on a par 5 tee
OK, once more in honor of the golf tournament this weekend, this is one of those topics that needs to be covered. I am sick of people yelling “get in the hole” every time a professional golfer makes contact, and sometimes during their practice swings. The ball is not going to get in the hole. Especially off of a tee box on a par 4, and especially, especially on a par 5. If you say “get in the hole” on a tee shot on a par 5, you should be shot where you stand.
When fans act like idiots, Tiger’s knee hurts
I can imagine that professional golfers fall into 2 camps when these people open their mouthes. Camp 1, who thinks that they’re being paid a lot of money to entertain these Crisco-for-brains fans and they’ll be happy that someone’s cheering for them, and camp 2, who complains every time these people talk or when a leaf moves or when an ant farts or when their shoelace slips . . . oh wait: camp 2 is just Woody Austin.
When these people are not watching professional golfers, they are weekend golfers who still say completely ridiculous things, my favorite of which is “Nice shot”, “You killed that one”, and “awesome”, as a good golfer’s shot goes curving into a lake or the middle of the woods. For many bad golfers, simply making the club touch the ball seems to be the goal, but for other people it also has something to do with where the ball goes afterwards. So please, keep your damn mouth shut at least until the ball starts coming back toward earth. A shot might be awesome in its first 18 feet of flight, but a lot can happen afterwards, and it makes pros and decent amateurs alike want to kill you with your own 3-year-old glove, if it didn’t have so many holes in it and if the leather wouldn’t crumble like a potato chip when bent.
Truthfully, I’d rather just go un-complimented during a round of golf. Compliments don’t seem to happen in other places: guys don’t feel comfortable complimenting each other in most sports. If some dude can throw a football, nobody is going to say “wow, nice arm.” In manspeak, that roughly translates to “take your shirt off and I’ll go change into my jean shorts”. So why this reverence for the golfer?
This is a petition to the world: please stop saying, “get in the hole” at golf tournaments. Please stop celebrating contact. Do you cheer every time a basketball player shoots the ball, or when he makes it? Do you yell “TOUCHDOWN!!!” every time there’s a kickoff at a football game? No. I encourage you to exercise the same judgment when watching golf, please.
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