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Why is mommy dressed like your secret friend, daddy?

People who think Halloween is for kids to dress up and have fun

People who think Halloween is for women to dress like hookers

Halloween is one of those magical holidays where men always win, along with Super Bowl Sunday, their birthday, and the day after the in-laws leave.

Halloween is the one day each year where men are instantly transported to Las Vegas, no matter where they are.  That secretary who wears the sweaters covered in cat hair comes into work as “sexy angel”.  The bitchy manager (who knows she’s bitchy) comes in as “sexy devil”.  Waitresses and bartenders are now sexy waitresses and bartenders.  College girls pretty much just wear their underwear and a single accessory (wings, ears, bow tie, something simple).  And you know the saying about how people act differently depending on what they’re wearing?  Yeah.  I can’t wait to see what Sarah Palin has drummed up this year.

And it isn’t just single women that go this way.  Moms see Halloween as that one day of the year that they get to act like the village bicycle, too.  Maybe this is where the process perpetuates itself: little kids get to see their mommy in a very different light on this day, dressed like a shaved cat, flirting with the entire neighborhood, and eventually coming home and slapping daddy around a little bit.  The parents think the kids are face-deep in peanut butter cups (and broccoli from that one crazy neighbor), but no, they’re watching.  Learning.

Men tend to screw this holiday up, in my opinion.  They wear some sort of libido-freezing costume involving a melting face or a loose eyeball.  Be something funny and interesting: don’t pee in the honey pot.

And this year, Halloween is on a Friday.  A FRIDAY.  And I’m still sick.  Have fun for me.

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