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Mmmmm . . . . Blackberrys!

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Blood: People who use their cell phones as intended

Crip: People who use their cell phones like a CB radio made for a valley girl

The use of almost any object as originally intended eventually becomes uncool. Belts have been worn with the buckles facing sideways, hats have been worn every way possible, jeans have been backwards, and now holding a cell phone to the side of your head makes you a huge d-bag, apparently. So now we hold it out in front of our face using the speakerphone from 11 inches away…

doing the backwards thing

I guess this new style of communication, something I’m referring to as the “conference call with the world”, isn’t entirely new. I’ve seen people doing it in varying degrees for over a year now and I think I have figured out the origins: Nextel. Yes, the only telephone service in the world where people willingly paid by the minute to walkie-talkie 5 word conversations, 4 or more of which are “yep”, “roger”, and “got it”.

Examples:

  • BLEEP “Wood?”, BLEEP “got it”, BLEEP “yep?”, BLEEP “roger”
  • BLEEP “Roger…”, BLEEP “yep?”, BLEEP “got it?”, BLEEP “yep.”

This made sense because these guys were usually looking at plans, driving forklifts, beating up their girlfriends, or something else that required both hands. The construction business isn’t usually a trendsetter, but somehow this thing stuck, and it stuck big.

I think the first sighting off the job was also somewhat utilitarian: the effort seemed to be to keep the phone away from both the new nail polish (come to think of it, they were probably just new nails: 3 inches long with gold gemstones glued on: classy) and the new hair which looked like it has just gotten a new coat of polyurethane. In this case, I took the side of the offender: those extensions would inevitably have to come out if the phone made contact with the hair, never to be separated again. It was, therefore, a reasonable behavior, given the circumstances.

Gradually, this post-beautification ritual became more of a normal sight, perhaps driven by the confidence-building moments where rappers would call stockbrokers to get their balances announced to fellow Bloomingdale’s shoppers in close proximity to the baby seal skin boot section. Once the rappers got going, the 13 year old white girls weren’t far behind.

But I do have to say that I’m not totally against this idea. I am against it from the standpoint that it makes people look like morons who eat their Blackberrys like moon pies (and the effect it has on driving habits), but the priceless moments where these puck callers have emergency “abort behavior” moments as embarrassing news comes over the phone is hysterical enough for me to endorse the whole thing. Moments like these make the mall that much more entertaining. If you catch a particularly good moment, the sight of the phone crashing into a user’s head or flying into opposing foot traffic makes it all worth while.

So today, I’m gluing my laptop to the outside of my carrying bag and driving to work with my windshield wipers on. You can never say you’re a trendsetter if you don’t try.

- CUT -

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September 10, 2008 | Filed Under in general 

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