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I have won the Rwandan lottery 18 times this year

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People who are drawn in to trash emails

Those people’s children

I think I’m starting to see a seasonality to chain emails / SPAM / generally ridiculous nonsense.  Lately, the volume has gone up dramatically vs. the summer, and while I’m not sure why this is, if anyone out there needs Viagra, business cards, or a device that will make your penis bigger than a telephone booth, my inbox seems to be the place to go.

One wonders if these emails really work.  I really can’t imagine ordering pharmaceuticals from some company who can’t even spell correctly in their email to me.  I can’t imagine a sweet little mother of 3 sitting down to her computer and saying, “you know, some horny sluts being nasty would really hit the spot right now.  The Petersons’ Williams Sonoma registry is just going to have to wait.”

But they must work.  These people are undoubtedly spending some money to send this stuff out, so they’re obviously in it for some sort of profit.  If it wasn’t working, it would end, right?

One of my all-time favorite scams is this thing that’s been going on for a while where you’ve either won the lottery or some African royalty needs to launder some money through the US and you’re going to get to keep a cut.  You know, they go sort of like this:

I am prince of Zimbabwe.  My family have many too many money and need urgent to give many money to someone else.  We have lottery that you not enter, but still win!  Miracle Happy!

Seriously?  But the email goes on to ask for bank information, addresses, etc.  And it works, apparently.  They had something on Dateline or one of those other alarmist news shows (”Is your refrigerator killing you? Find out after our segment on marshmallow-related deaths and a montage of plane crashes, tonight at 9″) that was telling people about these scams and to not give their bank information to anyone.  

So, tell me.  Who has nibbled on the fruit of SPAM?  Anyone?  You can fess up here anonymously.  Did you buy some orange tic-tacs with “Cialis” written delicately in toxic ink?  Did you get to keep the million?  Are you happy with the new size of your … you know?

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December 4, 2008 | Filed Under in general 

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