Comments on: Fake Christmas trees are for fake families

By: Evan

Evan — Thu, 11 Dec 2008 21:07:42 +0000

David: you sound very concerned for your family’s safety as they deal with the confusion of “where the house turns”. I’d recommend football helmets for Christmas this year.

By: David Plant

David Plant — Thu, 11 Dec 2008 21:01:59 +0000

I, for one, would love to have some of those 1/4 trees. I would put them in every corner of my house. And the 3/4 trees would work well as bumpers on outer corners, too.

By: Whit

Whit — Thu, 11 Dec 2008 20:40:39 +0000

I would like to know who buys a 1/4 tree like the one in your picture…

By: Tyler

Tyler — Thu, 11 Dec 2008 20:37:22 +0000

This takes the cake…err, tree. Well done, sir!

By: Jess

Jess — Thu, 11 Dec 2008 15:01:56 +0000

My bad. My rant lost its point.
I merely disagree that fake trees are for fake *families*. There’s a lot of single moms that just don’t have the ability to lug a tree.
I just think the title of this entry should read:
“Fake trees are for Fake Men”

By: Garrett

Garrett — Wed, 10 Dec 2008 17:02:45 +0000

Yeah Evan, I forgot to mention that the only thing my parents left to me before they both died in a plane crash was the family heirloom fake Christmas tree. Thanks dick!

By: David Plant

David Plant — Wed, 10 Dec 2008 16:45:12 +0000

Evan – I think you have officially touched some nerves with this installment. Kudos to you.

Oh, and for what it’s worth, we have a fake tree. Last time we had a real tree, the dog insisted on marking it twice a day. Made for some soggy gifts under the tree, as you might imagine.

By: Evan

Evan — Wed, 10 Dec 2008 15:07:19 +0000

Jess: whew! I believe your situation is called “an exception”.

By: Jess

Jess — Tue, 09 Dec 2008 23:32:27 +0000

Wow, so I really just have to respond to this one.
I’ve had a real tree twice in my life. My dad wasn’t home a lot (currently on a tanker off the coast of Djibouti/Somalia), we had no family in Gville and there was no way my mom was taking me to go pick out a tree when I was little and then bring it home, straighten and decorate it. So we most definitely had a tree out of a box. By the time I was old enough to really contribute, it didn’t seem to matter to either of us, plus we ended up spending about half my Christmases in a hotel room because when dad was in the country for the holidays, he was usually in port up in fabulous Norfolk, VA. For hotel Christmas we had what would likely make you cry tears of pain: we would tape to the wall a tree I made out of green wrapping paper (I made it in one such hotel when I was about 12) which had ornaments and a tree topper star made out of other wrapping paper and tissue paper.

In sum, I guess military families = fake families.

But don’t worry, my *fake* family member is still willing to spend months of his life away from his wife and only child (this tour is 6 months, so you can figure he’s been home at most 50% of my life (altho most of that time was in port out of state)) and risk his life on a daily basis off the coast of Somalia where he can’t go into port (to get mail, etc) for more than 48 hours because tankers like the one he’s on blow up well and Al Qaeda likes them some fireworks. All just for your right to import goods and oil and to eat crap fast food and whine about traffic, I mean, unless you have some other objection to “fake families”.

By: Evan

Evan — Tue, 09 Dec 2008 22:11:00 +0000

Phil: Irrelevant. Let’s stay on topic.

By: Phil

Phil — Tue, 09 Dec 2008 21:46:37 +0000

“Stop with the genetically-altered hydroponic pork chops, the KFC that comes from chickens who don’t have feathers or beaks, stop drinking milk that comes from cows pumped full of more hormones than a 13 year old girl at a Timberlake concert.”

Where does the McD Filet-O-Fish fit into that equation?

By: Garrett

Garrett — Tue, 09 Dec 2008 20:51:45 +0000

“[B]ut there’s something unappealing about lugging a 6-foot heavy-ass tree up 2 narrow flights of a brownstone, likely while my girlfriend is giving me direction and I’m yelling obscenities at her in the process, and then having to play that horrid “Is it straight yet? Which way? My left or your left? Dammit, just tell me where the fucking thing needs to go!” game with the tree stand.”

I could not “ditto” this magical piece of prose enough – well said sir. Same EXACT experience this past Saturday. She offered to help and I was like: “look, the only thing that could possibly make this worse is you becoming hsyterical after sustaining some sort of non-life-threatening injury.”

By: Evan

Evan — Tue, 09 Dec 2008 20:00:09 +0000

Heather: I’m sorry to hear of your affliction. That would ruin my life completely, so I’m glad that’s not me.

Garrett: it is a sad condition to live in an urban area where we can’t chop a tree down with our bare hands and bring it home. Not only would that save a tremendous amount of money, but it would make me feel like more of a man.

Will: You are missing out on a quintessential part of Christmas, the holidays, your life, and the point altogether. I feel sorry for you, and hope that some day you will open your eyes to a life currently unknown. Enjoy your TV dinner tonight.

By: Willton

Willton — Tue, 09 Dec 2008 19:50:43 +0000

I have no allergy to pine needles, and yet I have a fake tree in my apartment. I would love to have a real tree in my apartment, but there’s something unappealing about lugging a 6-foot heavy-ass tree up 2 narrow flights of a brownstone, likely while my girlfriend is giving me direction and I’m yelling obscenities at her in the process, and then having to play that horrid “Is it straight yet? Which way? My left or your left? Dammit, just tell me where the fucking thing needs to go!” game with the tree stand.

So yes, I guess I’m one of those people.

By: Garrett

Garrett — Tue, 09 Dec 2008 16:55:12 +0000

What about people who, even though they buy a real tree, have it delivered and thus scorn the primal hunter-gatherer process?

By: Heather

Heather — Tue, 09 Dec 2008 16:22:32 +0000

Well said friend! Well said.

By: Heather

Heather — Tue, 09 Dec 2008 15:40:33 +0000

I do agree with you about how horrible the fake Christmas trees look. But I do have one thing to say. I am alergic to all things pine; anything in the pine family. So Yes, I have a fake Christmas tree with needles on the trunk. It is green and not pre lit, I like to do that myslef. It’s a sacrafice I am willing to make so I can enjoy the holidays with my family. I would love nothing more then to have a real tree in my living room at this time of year. But you know, for some reason, breathing is more important.

Seasons Greetings.