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Rain melts brains
(6 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
Loading ...People who drive more carefully in inclement weather
People who make the police say, “How the hell did this happen?” when they get to the scene
Today in Atlanta, the gods are relieving themselves after a long night of drinking, and it’s a mess out there. Usually a rainy day will bring up all sorts of pleasant thoughts about fireplaces, blankets, drinking hot chocolate and all of that crap, but on a workday, rain just means one thing: look the hell out, because here comes the idiot brigade.
Filming the pilot for CSI: Rainy Day Atlanta.
People in Atlanta, we’ve established, are evolutionarily equivalent to sea monkeys, and it’s my experience that a good, rainy day brings out the worst in us. With our proliferation of successful gangstas driving fast cars and a healthy population of soccer moms heavily dosed on medication and $9 Chardonnay, a rain day in Atlanta is a living metaphor for the bloodbath that will ensue throughout the day.
Now, Atlanta isn’t alone. It seems like any city that isn’t used to crappy weather is filled with citizens who are completely prepared to submit themselves to science as soon as the skies go dark. I was in Dallas about 6 years ago when they had that big freeze: ice covering the streets, huge snow banks, etc. Every time a traffic light would turn red, it was like watching an ice ballet – only the failed Olympians were replaced with deadly Fords and Pontiacs twirling about at 40 mph. Minus the massive injuries that resulted, it was poetry.
We had a similar experience when Nashville got dumped on in 2003. The snows came, the streets froze, and the city was utterly unprepared for any of it. Someone hinted that salt would help, and people literally went to the grocery stores and bought iodized salt to put on their streets, bewildered that there was no effect. People would cruise down West End Ave. at 50 mph, a speed no longer controlled by gas and brake pedals, but by hills, telephone poles, and buildings. Mayhem.
So to all 4 people out there reading this today: please slow down. Save yourselves. Let’s make it through this day and we can continue to enjoy the rest of our 55 degree, sunny December. Good luck and godspeed.
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6 Responses to “Rain melts brains”
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I wish I could have seen how that car got all the way down there. Except for the fleeing for my life part. Crazy.
If rain melts Atlantans’ brains, then what the hell does snow do it? The obvious answer is “freeze them” but I think that’s a wholly inadequate representation of what actually happens.
I’d like to add a caveat. Driving carefully does not mean driving 20 mph in a 35 mph zone. That is all.
Between people from NY and people who arrived in Miami via a floating object, driving during the rain is ridiculous. Of course it doesn’t help that the geniuses that designed the streets managed to build roads in a tropical region without any regard to water drainage.
Atlanta is ridiculous in the rain. I have definitely gotten into an accident in Atlanta on a rainy day. It’s absurd.
Best. Post. Ever.
I concur with the Nashville observation. As someone from a state that gets a regular dose of heavy snow each year, I never understood how a metropolitan area like Nashville could be so helpless when the slightest dusting of snow arrived.
Up here in the NYC area, we’ve been well acquainted with rain and snow, but there’s still one natural phenomenon that baffles commuters: floods. Because the water drainage system in this area is about as old as the country itself, floods tend to happen with some regularity in port cities like New York, Hoboken, and Jersey City. So you’d think that we’d learn how to deal with them a little better than we do. Call me a sadist, but I never get tired of watching people try to drive through flooded streets as if they are attempting to ford a river on the Oregon Trail.