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The faster you cross the street, the less likely you are to die

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People who cross the street quickly

People who cross the street slowly (on purpose)

I guarantee that this woman is going 8x as fast as the average Atlantan street crosser

Call me crazy, but I have a healthy fear of objects that can kill me very easily.  In the matchup of flesh and bone vs. steel on wheels, I have concluded that I will lose that fight often enough to avoid it altogether.  Yet every day, I come across people who want to singularly challenge traffic by crossing the street at sub-sloth speeds.

It doesn’t help that Georgia law is pedestrian-oriented.  No matter what the circumstances, cars have to stop for pedestrians.  I don’t care if you’re going 50 miles an hour, if someone’s dumb enough to put a foot in that crosswalk, you have to slam the brakes on and save their lives.  If grandma is in an ambulance and Laqueshia wants to cross the street while she’s on her bluetooth headset, hello inheritance! She aint’ going to let no damn ambulance tell her what to do. 

Something I’ve been wondering is where these people are going at one eighth of a mile per hour?  How far can you travel at these speeds before the sun goes down?  I would feel cheated if I had been walking for an hour and could still see my point of origin.

So, what should I do here?  Is it okay to honk at those who enter a battle of will and tell them to get the hell out of the way, or am I supposed to just take it?  I have tried both, with mixed results.  Mostly, I find that honking just slows people down even more, which is a frustrating outcome to which I have no response.  It’s a lot like getting in an argument with Delta customer service: “I’m sorry you feel that way sir – oops! somehow all of your frequent flyer miles disappeared and all of the rates have doubled on your flight.  I do have an engine-mounted seat next to the broken lavatory door available, though.”

How do we fix this problem plaguing our nation?

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November 6, 2008 | Filed Under in cars, in general 

comments

3 Responses to “The faster you cross the street, the less likely you are to die”

  1. Soulxtract on November 6th, 2008

    I prefer options 3.
    One properly mounted train horn under the hood, hooked to air compressor.
    Exection:
    1. Roll down the window
    2. Yell out in a voice of authroity.. “RAMMING SPEED!!!”
    3. Lay on said horn.

    You’d be surprised how fast they move….

  2. Willton on November 6th, 2008

    Perhaps these people are blind to on-coming traffic. I would think that the sight of it would give these people pause. Have you tried leaning on the horn during the approach?

  3. Evan on November 12th, 2008

    Soul: this comment made my weekend. I tried reciting it back to a few people with unfortunate results. Some things are better left to the written word.

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