Aug

11

Here’s to the weirdos, in general

Filed Under health 

People who do completely random, unexplainable nonsense

The rest of us

I was struggling with what to write about today until just now.  Sometimes you come across someone who is just completely off the farm, and that just happened for me.

I have had about 4 tall glasses of water this morning and I’ve been peeing like a middle-aged mom on a road trip.  I just took my second trip to the room where people rest and here’s what I saw:

  1. Man is washing his hands – ok, this is pretty normal
  2. Man is about 5’3″ with enormous ears and a humpty dumpty build – I’m thinking this guy has got to be funny to witness, shame he’s on his way out
  3. Man flicks wrists to get rid of water, skips paper towels – a bit unusual to leave your hands wet
  4. Man walks over to urinal next to me – huh, peeing after the hand wash?  And with wet hands? Not on his way out, after all.
  5. Man angles himself 45-degrees away from me – there is a divider: nothing can be seen, yet he feels the need to angle so far away he’s practically peeing on the wall.  If he aims himself back at the urinal from this extreme angle, there’s a serious possibility he’ll wee right into one of his pleats.
  6. Man pees for literally 0.068 seconds.  Like a single shot of a water pistol you bought at Wal Mart hitting a wall.
  7. Man zips his fly up so fast I almost yelped.  The zipper sounded like a Hollywood laser gun.  This zipper velocity is a risk no man I know would ever take – there is nothing on earth that warrants rushing the zipper.  We’ve all seen Something About Mary.
  8. Man walks away from the urinal, and goes into a stall.  I start looking for hidden cameras and Ashton Kutcher.  What in the hell is happening in this bathroom?
  9. Man closes stall door and locks it.  Toilet paper roll makes its signature sound. Once more.  Nothing.  Door unlocks.  Man walks out.  Man leaves bathroom.  No second hand-wash.

It took me about 20 seconds to notice that I had stopped peeing, I was spellbound.  I had just witnessed “bathroom in reverse.”

So today, it’s just the freaks vs the rest of the population.  Thanks for making our lives that much more interesting.


Comments

3 Responses to “Here’s to the weirdos, in general”

  1. melissa coffey on August 11th, 2009 12:33 pm

    maybe you saw a trans man. It would’nt be hard to see why a woman could not learn the mantoilet ettiquette properly in a few years or less. You know, I can’t figure out for the life of me what the proper mantoilet ettiquette is. I just know it’s nothing like the ladies’ room. There are NO RULES in the Ladies room. Woman breastfeeds, woman gives woman advice, woman breaks down into tears and other woman does anything possible, even unthinkable in order to make her feel better. including but not limited to: going to get Significant other / family members of any gender and bringing them in to help, staging an outrageous mutiperson polling to see what advice to take, taking an active stand (once heard of two bridesmaids refusing to put their dresses back on till the tantrum was over). makeup help, cruising, bathroom sex, wardrobe assistance up to sewing and mending with needle and thread, swapping purse contents, swaping clothing, drying off with a dryer, bathing with the sink, phonecalls, sitting on a can for 15 minutes silently as if the other person doesn’t think you are there, multiple flushings, draping the toilet with paper, crouching with feet on toilet, hiking with the foot on the wall, consulting and gossip… fighting, catfights, knife fights! there is nothing weird in the ladies’ room.

  2. Evan on August 11th, 2009 1:40 pm

    bathroom sex? which bathroom?

  3. Phil on August 13th, 2009 4:02 pm

    Nice work on this one!

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