Established 1776

With your help, we can raise $1,000,000 of awareness.

Budweiser, With a Twist

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (2 votes, average: 3.50 out of 5)
Loading ... Loading ...

People who enjoy wheat/flavored beers, Zima, etc.

People who do not drink a drink that must be “activated” by a slice of citrus or a jolly rancher

beer-math

I hereby declare Friday the day that this blog talks about alcohol, Waffle House, or alcohol and Waffle House.

I owe this idea to a couple of guys who I used to work with, but I will instead retain all of the credit for the idea. The practice of taking credit for other people’s work is a staple of working in America, so I see this as a big opportunity to get ahead in this world by riding on the shoulders of others. Thanks for drowning to keep me dry.

Anyhow, I alone (with nobody else involved in the idea) was talking about people who like beers that come with accessories, or are themselves somehow gimmicky. There is definitely one segment of this world that loves the novelty in these beers, while there is another group who sees the novelty in making fun of the people who like these drinks. I fall into the latter category.

I think that the main challenge that I have to overcome with wheat beers, blueberry beer, pumpkin beer, Zima, Smirnoff Ice, and the like is the simple fact that they taste like shit. I think I would rather lick the back of a school bus on a rainy day than have a wheat beer. I also think that most of the world would agree, which is why they started putting oranges and lemons in these drinks. Congratulations, you now have an undrinkable beverage with a hint of sunny-d, and you will likely go home with a man (and there is no problem with that, if you’re into that sort of thing).

Breaking industry research conducted by me in the last 7 minutes gives us a greater view into the history and reasons behind this phenomenon. The facts reveal that this phenomenon, like the printing press, was being simultaneously developed in multiple locations around the world, with particular hot zones in San Francisco, Key West, Tallahassee, and Knoxville. Further research revealed the following, corrected for spelling mistakes in Tallahassee and Knoxville:

fruit-vs-colors-chart

Further research is needed, but the initial wave of results is definitely revealing a trend.

If you would like to participate in a case study, please use the contact form above.

Share with other people:
  • Digg
  • Facebook
  • del.icio.us
  • Reddit
  • StumbleUpon
  • TwitThis
  • Sphinn
  • E-mail this story to a friend!

October 3, 2008 | Filed Under food and eating 

comments

One Response to “Budweiser, With a Twist”

  1. Tessa Horehled on November 12th, 2008

    ROFL! I swear I will catch up on my RSS feeds soon so I can catch these amazing rationalizations of yours as soon as they’re posted ;) I would like to suggest a follow-up topic: Male Dieting Patterns

Leave a Reply




  • subscribe to this blog



     Subscribe to RSS

    Subscribe with Bloglines

    Add to Google

    Add to Technorati Favorites

    why you are here...

    You are here because you are awesome and you celebrate awesomeness.

    You are here to read a new post every weekday.

    You are here because there are two types of people in the world: people who are here, and people who suck.